Hello again,
There are moments when life feels like it collapses quietly — not in an explosion, but in silence.
You wake up, and everything that once gave meaning… stops making sense.
That was me, a few weeks ago.
After months of intensity, I fell into a depressive state — lost in pain, confusion, and losses that hit not only my body but also my finances. Crypto down. Health down. Energy down.
I started attaching again to what I thought I had already outgrown: the material world.
And then the question hit me: Why is this happening to me again?
I knew the theory — I teach it, I live it — but this time, it felt like I couldn’t apply it to myself. So I restarted therapy, and decided: this time, I’ll go deeper. I’ll look not for another method, but for the block that still separates me from myself.
And as always — when I stop pretending I know, Life brings the medicine.
This time, literally.
The Return to the Fire
I went back to the same house, the same Shaman, the same circle.
My 20-something ceremony already — yet every time, it feels like the first.
The plants don’t care about experience or knowledge. They care about truth.
The first night, resistance.
The second, surrender.
And then it worked again — not because I forced it, but because I finally stopped.
I saw clearly how my mind was creating me.
How my body was sending messages I still refused to hear.
Illness, pain, exhaustion — not as enemies, but as messengers whispering:
“It’s time to move.
It’s time to think differently.
It’s time to return to yourself.”
Falling in Love — Again
The biggest gift wasn’t some cosmic vision.
It was standing in front of the mirror the next morning… and seeing me.
Not the teacher, the father, the guide.
Just me — the man who survived his own mind and still stands.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t want to fix myself.
I just looked, and thought: I love this person.
The one who fell. The one who rose.
The one who still doesn’t know how everything will turn out — but keeps walking.
That’s what healing really is. Not perfection. Acceptance.
The Journey Continues
If you’ve been going through your own “bumpy period,” maybe your body is speaking too.
Listen.
Not with fear, but with curiosity.
Symptoms are not punishments — they are invitations.
In the last few days, I’ve written about what really happened during this retreat — each night, each message, each moment of surrender and remembering love.
You can read them all here:
🌿 A Weekend with Ayahuasca — What I Learned After My 20th Ceremony
🔥 Ayahuasca Ceremony — The Night of Surrender
🕊️ Sharing Circle — The Truth That Speaks Through Us
🌸 Integration — Returning to Life with Love
Final Reflection
Sometimes, losing yourself is not a mistake.
It’s the only way to meet yourself again — without roles, without masks.
This time, not as an idea… but as love itself.
With love and gratitude,
Pawel
📸 Instagram: @plglod
🎁 PS You can always revisit the full archive of past newsletters here:
👉 Newsletter Archive
