When I started my shamanic journey, I never imagined that one day I would sit in an Ayahuasca ceremony — let alone in the places where this medicine has been prepared and shared for generations. At the time, I thought my path would be about helping others through tools I already understood. But some doors only open when the time is right, and Ayahuasca was one of them. What I found inside was not what I expected — it was far more profound, and it changed the way I see life itself.
had been hearing about plant medicine for some time, but with deep respect for its power, I knew I wouldn’t step into an Ayahuasca ceremony lightly. I wanted a shaman I could truly trust. You wouldn’t let a stranger from the internet perform open-heart surgery on you — and for me, this was no different.
Over the years, I had heard stories of shamanism being misused: of energy being directed for the shaman’s benefit rather than the patient’s healing. Even my teacher, had deep respect for plant medicine but approached it with more caution than excitement. Only when I started working with my own patients did I fully understand why.
And then, in the way life works when you’re ready, Ayahuasca found me. A full moon weekend just before Christmas — no work, no family trip, no plans. One last place open on a retreat. Everything aligned.
Before the Ceremony – Preparation and Ego
I had no idea what I had signed up for. During the introductory interview, I was told the experience would be deeper than any shamanic journey I’d had before. My ego was happy to hear that — it imagined “getting high with some nice stuff.”
The preparation was strict: no alcohol, no red meat, no dairy, and (the hardest for me at the time) no sexual experiences during the week before. On a deeper level, I now know that good cleansing and preparation — including energetic cleansing — can make a profound difference. It can help you enter the ceremony lighter, clearer, and more receptive, so you can live it fully instead of struggling through resistance.
It took two hours to reach the retreat — a shabby farm with hostel-like rooms full of beds, and one large space for the ceremony. My ego started judging: “What the hell am I paying for?”
Then people began to arrive. Some already knew each other. I judged them too: “Nice junkies.” The place got so full that I only had space for my mat. We were handed toilet paper and plastic bags — I assumed for stomach emergencies.
The shaman prepared his instruments, altar, and the medicine. We were cleansed with salvia or lignum vitae smoke. Helpers and musicians took their places.
The First Cup – and When Ayahuasca Hit
One by one, people stepped up to drink the plant medicine. I joined the queue early, not wanting to wait. When everything was ready, the shaman began his ícaros with a big drum.
At first, nothing. I sat in meditation, hearing strange noises, others starting to purge. Then it hit.
Suddenly, I could feel everything — strongly, deeply. Ícaro after ícaro, the shaman chanted, shifted instruments, changed tone.
And I could understand everything from a perspective I had never experienced before.
Seeing the World Differently
In that space, all relationships and world events became clear — not in the way daily logic works, but in a deeper, universal sense. Struggles were lessons. Life was a game we were here to play.
I saw people in my life explaining their behaviour and laughing at themselves. Every song carried a direct answer to the questions appearing in my head. I saw the need for balance in my life, the toll my work habits had taken on my body, and a new understanding of feminine and masculine energy.
For the first time, I fully understood words of my shamanic teacher at that time: “The brain is meant to serve the heart, not the other way around.”
I saw the power of food — not just in nutrition but in the energy and information it carries. I felt the suffering of animals in industrial meat production, the dense emotional energy embedded in every cell we later consume.
I saw the truth that everything should be treated with respect — as energy. I saw our connection with nature and who we truly are.
Two Nights, Two Lessons
The retreat had two ceremonies. The first: cleansing.
The second: the beauty of life built on unconditional love.
By the end, the doubts, judgements, and expectations I had carried into the retreat were gone. I felt full of love, cried with gratitude for being alive, and was moved by the music that accompanied the ceremonies.
Coming home was difficult. My surroundings were the same, but I was not. My chest ached for weeks (later explained by my teachers as the opening of the fourth chakra). I was deeply sensitive and emotionally raw. For months after, I couldn’t eat meat.
Ayahuasca as a Teacher
That first experience — one of the strongest of my life — opened my heart. Since then, I have sat in more than fifteen Ayahuasca ceremonies around the world, including at the source in Colombia.
Ayahuasca continues to support my journey. Every time the plant calls me, life aligns to make space. I take notes during every retreat — stories and messages that still wait to be shared.
The lessons repeat:
- The less you expect, the more you receive.
- The more you surrender, the more you experience.
- Proper preparation matters — physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Like in therapy, those who surrender progress faster. Those who arrive with rigid expectations often have to step back before they can move forward. The more mentally you approach it the more disappointed you may live this experience… the work happens anyway… until you understand and surrender (at least it happened this way for me, people I shared ceremonies with).
The Change That Lasts
Ayahuasca completely changed me.
It gave my old mental world a different meaning.
It removed doubts I had carried for years.
I saw how blind we are when we rely only on analytical thinking, ignoring intuition and the heart. I learned that if we pause and observe, life itself will guide us toward the experiences we need.
Everyone has a different experience. Everyone receives a different message. We are each unique and we arrive in ceremony for different reasons. A properly managed and guided Ayahuasca or Yagé ceremony can, however, give you a perspective that may change your life completely. I also know people who say, “I felt nothing” — and they went home to continue life unchanged, without any reflections shared during the circle or with others. This medicine meets you where you are — and what you are ready for.
In the end, all is aligned with our evolution — we just choose whether to take the harder road or the easier one. Some lessons are unavoidable, but all are for our growth.
I have experienced the beauty and wisdom of the universe, and the deep connection between nature and humanity. The only conditions: surrender, trust, let go, and listen to your heart.
If You’re Considering Ayahuasca
I do not recommend it without guidance, cleansing, and preparation. It is not a trend. It is not a shortcut. It is a mirror that will show you what you are ready to see.
Also, it’s worth knowing there are different traditions — for example, Yagé is used in parts of Colombia and has subtle differences from Ayahuasca in preparation, effect, and cultural context. If you’re curious, this article explains the difference well: The Difference Between Ayahuasca and Yagé.
Ayahuasca is a catalyst. But the real work is in how you live after the ceremony. I have repeated the experience many times and sometimes received the same message again and again — until I finally changed my life and my perception. The work has to happen in your daily life. You can attend ceremonies and treat them as another kind of event… or you can use them as a source and a guide to transform your life and live it from a much broader perspective.
I will also be writing more soon about my journey to Colombia and the experiences I had there.
For more about my journey with Ayahuasca and Yagé — and the life-changing experiences that shaped my path — you can read my book How I Met Myself.
If you are curious, if you have questions about Ayahuasca, preparation, or integration — I am open to sharing my experience. Send me your questions.
